20 Ways to Rock at Being a Mother
Number One: Know that You are Loved
This blog begins a series to give you keys to success on your motherhood journey. To start with, I’ll tell you how I learned of the depth of love available to me, starting with my personal struggle around the time of my mothers’ death, when I was 16 years old. This discovery was critical to my future motherhood coping ability. Please know that through the good times and the bad, you are loved too >>>
The Loss and the Loving
It was a crushing blow. The weight of grief crippled me. It felt like I had nowhere to go, and I could barely breathe.
Who could even begin to understand what happened? My loss was so huge, I couldn’t process it. It became the defining thing in my life. It altered and structured everything else around it, not just afterwards, but before it as well. The love I had known since birth – before birth – gone in an instant!
But my mother’s death was not a quick and overnight shock. No. It was more like a slow and steady decline. Every morning, for months, she held on for another gasp of daylight. Each day bringing one slow agonising minute, on top of another.
Not today, we would think. Don’t take her today, Lord. Surely you will turn things around. Surely, her healing comes today.
And then it did come. The morning when she left us broke, with the searing sun of a summer’s day shining over Melbourne. Shining over my home. During the darkness of night, he had taken her to a far better place of light and glory. A place where she could be whole again. The ultimate healing.
The thing is, while a slow death, it was a still a shock. It burnt at the edges of my existence. So withdrawing into myself, I held onto the few glimmers of hope I had … A close girlfriend. The routine of school days. My comfortable bed where I slept off the traumas. And a fragile, new, and totally, unexpected relationship with someone sticking closer than a brother, who whispered again and again, “You are loved”. (Proverbs 18:24)
Looking back, I see that he loved me first. Before this ordeal. Before the months preceding my mother’s death, he made the way clear, and I decided to follow Jesus. Then unexpectedly, comfortingly, he followed me. Everywhere! No longer alone, I discovered the depths of his great love for me through those dark days. To be known and comforted by the Living God is no small thing.
This discovery is astounding, even today. He loves me! Beyond any measure anyone could care to describe. This realisation lives deep inside. It is a knowing of head, AND heart. A heart-knowing. It moulded my thoughts, and shaped the new me. I learned that I am enough. With all this grief, darkness – and love – a new and uncertain life unfolded. My motherless life.
From that day, my motherless life shaped everything. The awkward transition from teenager, to young adult. And the exciting and tenuous terror of being a new girlfriend. Then the lovely certainty: fiancée life. And onward again, to a young and tentative bride, white-dressed – with no mother by her side.
All of this followed by the most difficult and overwhelming transition of all – from newlywed, to being a mother myself.
Today, this motherhood life continues. All of it done with no mother, but thankfully, astoundingly, remarkably, all done with a God who loves me. Who continues to whisper, “You are loved.”
He LOVES you too . . .
He loves you in your loneliness. In your solitary days. In your questioning of yourself. Your doubts. Uncertainties. Even to the decision to take on this, your motherhood life. In all this, know that you are loved by him. The One through whom all things exist. And he gently says, “You are enough.”
On top of all this, we all know, somewhere in the depths of our being, there is more.
There is MORE! More to this life. Deeper. Greater. Higher. Stronger. So much more than we can even begin to understand. Always more to know. More to understand.
However, the greatest idea is this one thing to know as you travel your motherhood journey: Know that you are loved.
Because that knowing changes everything.
20 Ways to Rock at being Mother . . .
Number One: Know that you are loved
The biggest need we each have is to be loved. In fact, according to Dr Caroline Leaf, it is our greatest addiction! But sadly, so many of us feel we are not worthy of love, or worse, unlovable. This attitude to ourselves is not only untrue but has a direct impact on our children. This is because if you cannot receive love, it is not possible to properly give it.
So, what to do? Clearly, it’s important to choose to receive love from the people here on this earth who love you. And don’t forget your Father in Heaven, who loves you deeply. Receive love from him too. Incredibly, God cares about your every waking moment.
Why do you need to know you are loved?
Why do you, the mother, need to know this?
Because when you are loved, you can relax, and you can be your non-anxious self. You are enough. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, and you can enjoy and treasure each moment to love another human being – your precious child.
Write a list of things you love about yourself. Then, ask God what he thinks about you. Write it down in your journal. Tap into the Almighty. Because the truth of the matter is that you are a significant, and treasured, individual. You could also draw, paint or sketch any images that come to mind.
Say it out loud:
Say, “I am loved.” And say this too: “I am significant.” And also, “I am enough.” Say them over and over. Let this truth sink deep into your core. If you are musically inclined you might even sing these words out loud!
Talk about it:
Tell someone the truth about your new, or re-found, awareness. Say, “I know I am loved.” Perhaps you could phone a friend, family member, or spouse. The very action of saying those words sends the truth deeper into your being. And while you are talking, remind them they are loved too.
20 Ways to Rock at Being a Mother: Number Two – Click Here >>>.
Article: The Science of Love, Dr Caroline Leaf >>>
Bible: Romans 8:35-39 38, 39For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)
Blog to read: You Are Significant