How It All Began

You know how pregnant mothers do that nesting thing? Sometimes preparing for the baby seems to be one huge To-Do list – clean under the bed, dust the house, empty the cupboards of junk. All those jobs you know you won’t get to in the busy months ahead.

This day I was going through all the baby items I’d collected. Some of them were new, some of them second-hand, gifted to me from friends and family. And of course, to make them fresh and clean for my special bundle, I needed to wash and dry them this beautiful spring day.

I’d been mulling over my epiphany a few weeks earlier when seven months pregnant. It had prompted much soul-searching. Here I was, about to have a little baby in my arms, and I hadn’t even really given a thought to our long-term future!

My problem

Sadly, I’d had my own childhood cut short at 16 when my mother died of cancer. So, I wondered, how could I possibly do motherhood well? I had no mother to guide me on what was ahead! In reality, I did have fantastic role models in my step-mother, mother-in-law, aunts, and older sisters. But nothing in the place left where my mother used to be. It was like a raw-edged, gaping hole.

As I stood there folding my freshly laundered baby items, I imagined a picture of me with an adult – my new son or daughter. We were happy, bright, relating well together and enjoying one another’s company. There was no angst, no bitterness, no sense of misunderstanding. This is where I wanted to arrive with my adult offspring.

A Never-Forgotten Picture

Suddenly I ‘saw’ my new future. I had a job to do, and it would be one of the most important assignments in my life. I was about to be a parent. It wasn’t a short-term project, but encompassed a much larger view. It was like the difference between seeing a bedside lamp, and looking at stars.

My job as a mother is not a short project, but long-term. Like the difference between seeing a bedside lamp, and looking at stars.

I realized my husband and I had quite a job ahead. We were beginning a whole brave, new journey, and we’d be attempting the miraculous. From taking this new-born, defenseless, and totally dependent baby, to that lovely, happy interdependent adult I could imagine. That was to be our task. Our challenge. And our focus.

The road ahead would be a long one, because, as I calculated that afternoon, we had around 20 years to see it to the end!

Click HERE for the next part of my story when the Doctor’s report was quite scary!

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